Rocktober

I feel like I've been sent back to go without collecting my $200. All these things that were sorta working fine a year ago with my girl and my apartment are gone now. My career shriveled up a year before that. Life was really pretty good way back then. But not I must figure out what to do with myself. I said something about that back in February when I moved in here, but I've not figured it yet. Too many ideas. Too many options but not enough momentum. I'd love to move to France or Canada. Id even like to join some farming collective in Northern Cali. I'd love to live in San Francisco. I could do freelance illustration work, or I could do gallery work. I guess I've always had the problem of being indecisive. I tend to spend all day trying to figure out what to have for breakfast. FUCK!! The samurai used to say that any important decision should be made in the space of 7 breaths. I should just focus on work in general and see where that takes me. I really need a job so I can get out of here. Last week I found my oldest brother (the 40something year old virgin) spying on me through the cracks in my door. I guess he just has nothing better to do.
Im in an art show this coming weekend. Its a charity event to raise money for some scholarship fund for some girl who died who I never knew. There are some famous artists like Mark Ryden in the show. Like him , I just submitted a print. Its good PR I guess. Im probably not as excited as I should be. I was supposed to be in an art show last week as well. Sams gf Nouar had offered to put me in a gallery show she was in charge of. I spent a week working on it, and then I asked her and she said that it was overbooked and there was no room for me. I told her I had stuff in progress and she said ok well maybe. She then told me that it wasnt her call and that shed have to check with the gallery and see. I asked her a couple days later and she said she hadnt heard from them and I should just finish the art for the show. But I had the chance to do freelance work for actiongirls.com and didnt really have time to do both. So I went with actiongirls.com since she seemed flakey and unsure. Later I talked with Sam and he got all defensive of her and there was some drama.
Vach and I played some of the old star wars RPG saturday. That was good. Looking forward to more of it in the future.
Maybe my next journal should be about all my stuff breaking. In the last month my car, my i pod and my camera all broke. THe car got fixed, but my workouts just got much harder without the i pod. Need an mp3 player
Thats all for now.

Updates and Journals

Its been over a year since I wrote anything here. I guess the events of the last year were a bit too much to write about till now. Yesterday would've been my girlfriends birthday if she were still around. I've found with this whole thing that its just best if I dont tell anybody when I meet them because people just don't know what to say or how to react. But the web I think is safer since we're not face to face. Anyhow my girlfriend Euni Kang and I had been a couple for about 6 years and last year she got pregnant. Not only was she pregnant, but with twin boys. Our plan was to leave Los Angeles and go to a small town or community. But then some guy broke into her place and raped her and stabbed her to death. I wish I was making this up... It was actually a top news story all week here in LA. You can find all sorts of awful details about it if you do a google search on rape, pregnant, twins, Venice. Though I did write this for her and I think it came out nice
[link]
Anyhow I could write a book or two about this but I'll be brief I moved back in with my family and have sorta dropped off the map for most of the last year. Its been a learning and growing experience for me. Generally it hasn't been as bad as I would've thought it would be. I feel her spirit has been with me helping to guide my way. Some folks have tried to educate me on what to expect as far as stages and how long each would take. They were all wrong so far. I guess everybody is different in how they react to things. Perhaps I'll write more about this later. Questions and comments are welcome. Generally people are terrified to even broach the subject with me. As I said, most people except for my really close friends, try to ignore it and get all quiet if I happen to bring it up. Thats a whole other aspect that perhaps merits another future journal. Anyhow Im going to try to keep this journal weekly. Somebody kick me if I forget (Mr B?)

Deviant Art

It seems like every time I come back to Deviant Art, they've moved shit around and changed things that didn't need changing. It seems like an ever increasing demand to give them money and become a member. This used to be a great free site. When they first added the critique option, that shit was free. But now you have to be a member to do it. Thats soo silly and just darn greedy!! I'm still gonna write and get critiques in the comments section. And theres just more ads than there were. Few things in life piss me off like ads. I dont hate things easily, but I hate ads. First it was the ones that would only make noise if you dragged your cursor over them. But now its these blatantly evil ads that just come on and start going whenever Im lookin at art. Nothing on the net bothers me more than an invasion of my audio space. Its even more annoying than back in the days of myspace, when someone would put a song on their page and you had to hear it if you went onto their page.
Im seriously considering just deleting all my stuff from Deviant art because of these ads. I already got a website which I mostly use just for professional work. I really like some of the features of DA, but these stupid ads almost outweigh it all. I used to stop by this site almost daily but lately its less and less because of all these stupid changes and ads. ANd while IM griping, does anybody know how the heck to get the money you earned form the prints you sell? I know I've sold a bunch but there were no notifications, no "collect your money here" links. Gee its almost as if they dont want me to get my share. Hmm

Oh and look heres another one. If I got "premium membership" I could have Jounal Skins!! Wow if only I could have a journal skin, by life would be complete!

Groceries and Skynet

I really don't like shopping at grocery stores. Trader Joes is alright, but they never have all the stuff I want. Whole Foods is great but too expensive for my wallet. I guess I've become a farmers market sorta guy. That stuff is great! Its like real food! But sometimes I find myself at these big chain supermarkets and I just don't dig it! The food is mostly chemical ridden shit. But the thing thats really on my mind today is the automated tellers. I've used these things before and it's not hard. But I just feel sorry for all the humans who work there who will likely loose their jobs to these machines. Today I was in one of these stores and I could've gone to the machine, but I chose to get in line for the human teller. A worker came up to me and said "I can help you over here sir" I figured he was gonna open up a new human checkout. Instead he took me to the machines. He wanted to show me how to do it. It was his job to train customers to use the machines which will some day replace him and his coworkers. I've always felt sorry for people who have to do customer service. They have to deal with some pretty nasty stuff. But this job he had was just plane wrong! I said to him "Ya know, these machines are gonna replace y'all some day?" He just sorta nodded blankly and said "Yeah...I know.".

Strange Dream

So I had this funny dream last night.
It was Californias' worst nightmare. A computer virus had spread to all the cellphones and blackberries. They were all dead within a week. Without their cellphones, blackeberries and PDA's, people were in a state of panic. Governor Schwarzanegger issued a state of emergency. The national guard was called in with disaster relief supplies. As their trucks pulled into the cities, they were quickly surrounded by mobs of desperate people. It was like when the UN sends in truckloads of seeds to starving 3rd world villages. The Californians were all yelling and screaming for help. The guards opened up the back of the trucks and went into the crates. They started pulling out cellphones, PDA's and i phones. They just indiscriminately threw these out to the crowds of people who jumped up with anxious hands to claim their relief. People began fighting over the booty. The national guardsmen just kept throwing them out and the scene quickly dissolved into chaos.
Well thats it. I dont know what it all has to do with me. It was more like watching a movie. I just wanted to share it with people.
Enjoy!

Food...ah food!

I just love food. Food is good. So I thought Id make a list of my most favorite foods. Admittedly mostly pretty unhealthy stuff. I know you can do tasty healthy foods, but if healthy foods were the tastiest of all, then we'd all be pretty healthy wouldnt we? Anyhow, its in no particular order and Im sure Im forgetting some beloved dishes. But these are the first 25 I could think of. I think good food is like good music. If you dont enjoy it, theres something not quite right with you. Good food like good music is one of the finest parts of being alive I think.

Top 25 food experiences

1 krispy kreme donuts.-ahh, they didnt look like much when I saw them, but it was surely love at first bite. The classic or the creme filled would be my choices, preferably with a side of milk. They are light and not heavy like other donuts because they get their rise from yeast as opposed to eggs. Soo perfect!

2 prosciutto, aged gruyere cheese, and basil on a baguette- I had this one time in Paris, and it was so simple but soo good. Good bread and good cheese is crucial. My favorite goto sandwich

3 Fu Shing- not a dish but a szechwan style restaurant. Im lucky enough to live next door to the best chinese food Ive ever had (and Ive been to china) . I even got their number on speeddial. PF Changs got nothing on this.

4 pizza - Its all about the crust. Forget about New York or Chicago. The best pizza I ever had was in Italy. The bready part was so good it didnt even need the toppings.

5. beggars chicken - an old chinese dish. I only had it once at a fancy place in Monterey Park. You have to order it a day ahead of time. Traditionally slow cooked in a clay casing with herbs, it all melts together like butter. Soft and delicate and soo good.

6. pulled pork - I love so many types of pork... bacon, baby back ribs, carnitas . But whoever invented slow cooked pork butt (its called the but, but it actually comes from the shoulder) aka pulled pork, deserves a statue.

7. creme brulee - such a wonderful and simple desert makes me proud of my french ancestry

8. tea - weather it be ice tea or hot tea I feel a serious debt of gratitude to the chinese for this invention. jasmine green tea and my homemade suntea ( orange pekoe, lipton black, turbinado sugar, and a dash of aloe vera juice for fun) are my favs.

9 curry- its actually a mix of spices that has many variations through Asia. I prefer the Indian style tomato based curry sauce. I think my favorite of those is the one that I make for myself (Trader Joes has a most excellent curry simmer sauce)

10. pecan pie- I gotta give credit to the south for some great innovation in food. My mom usually gets me this one in place of a birthday cake.

11 cheesecake - not much to say about it except mmmmmm. I prefer the simple new york style with no added flavors, save maybe a dollop of blueberry sauce

12 pastrami sandwich - Tops or the Hat make excellent versions of this. So long as they drain the juices ( you dont want soggy bread with this), and add a good helping of mustard its perfect

13 gelato - Id take this over ice cream any day. Another fine contribution to the world from Italy. Pistachio flavor would be my first choice.

14 bacon- It can be a bit much by itself, but it certainly can spice up a number of dishes. Sandwiches, salads, or if you havent tried it I suggest sauteying some poultry in bacon drippings and then roasting it. hot damn, that shit is good!

15. sesame balls - the best part of any dim sum day. A rice flour crust surrounding sweet red bean paste, rolled in sesame seeds and friend till golden , crispy and delicious. Its only really good when fresh

16 papaya salad - At last something healthy! The best thing I had in Thailand. In traditional thai fashion, its both sweet and spicy.

17 root beer float- I cant imagine who first thought it would be a good idea to mix root beer and ice cream, but they were a genius. Has to be A&W

18. cheese- by itself or as an accompaniment. quesadillas, mac n' cheese, sandwiches, pizza. My favorite would be parmesano reggiano, by itself or on a cracker. The king of cheeses I say.

19. jambalaya - Another fine contribution from the south (though pecan pie and jambalaya were born hundreds of miles apart so I do generalize). Anything that walks, swins, flys or crawls is the creedo here. My preference would be for some shellfish with andouille sausage (gotta have that sausage or it just dont work)

20. avacados- A fine contribution to any sandwich or salad. My preference is for guacamole. Life is always better when theres guac to be had

21 popcorn- My favorite snack and something I make about once a week. And Im not talking about the stuff born of the microwave. While being convenient if you dont cook, the bags are heavy with oils and the sealed environment traps in steam which makes the popcorn less crunchy. I use a wok to make mine and cover it with tinfoil with lots of little holes poked in it to let the steam out. I like Orville Redenbacher for this

22 reuben sandwich - my favorite New York dish. Corned beef, saurkraut, melted swiss cheese on rye bread. Traditionally served with thousand island dressing, but I prefer to skip that part (its icky and makes the bread soggy)

23 chili -Theres a place in the San Fernando valley called Chili Johns. They make the best darn chili. Its super thick and hearty, and terribly bad for you Im sure.

24 pioneer chicken - also terribly unhealthy. This used to be my most favorite thing when I was a kid but the franchise sorta fell apart and now theres only 2 that I know of in LA. Thankfully, they never changed the recipe. KFC and Popeyes just dont compare

25 carnitas - My dad used to fry it in lard for tacos. This is totally unnecessary since it has enough fat in it to fry itself if you use a nonstick skillet and a little Pam. Just add some chopped up onions and cilantro and a tortilla and its the best darn taco (tapatillo hot sauce is optional)

Making Porn

Well its been a while since I wrote in this journal...too long. Its the start of 2009 and I still havent dismantled my christmas tree. Its a live tree in a pot of soil, but I really need to undecorate it and move it oustside into the light of day. It seems so hypocritical to me when I see all the dead trees lying out for the trashman after christmas. People are celebrating a birth by creating a death.
Dont read this if youre looking for good literature. This is just late night ramblings off the top of my head.
I finally got a job.
I now work in the adult entertainment industry. I have no shame for this. I work at actiongirls.com. Its not really porn. Theres nobody on the site having sex. Its just lots of naked girls. Its sorta like playboy except all the girls have machine guns, flamethrowers and bazookas. I dont really get it why people would pay for a membership to such a site but I guess its a nitch. I do art for them. Its way more fun and creative than what I used to do. Im soo completely glad to be out of the printing industry. I pray I never have to go back. My boss is cool and I work half my days at home. With a little luck I'll be able to pay off my student debt and credit card debt by about the middle of the year. Just in time for the global economic meltdown I figure. I really should just save my money and invest it in precious metals. But the debt has been the bane of my existance for almost a decade. And if making porn is what it takes to pay it off, then I will do it... with pride and joy.