Mr. Sensitive

I've found that since my girlfriend was murdered that Im somehow more sensitive to things than I used to be. Things that used to bother me only a little seem to bother me a lot more this year. I'm not talking about all things, so much as interactions with people. I think in some ways Im bothered less by trivial matters that seem to be a big deal to a lot of folks. But I find that with friends Im just more sensitive or something. There have been a few people in my life and...actually as I write this Im seeing the light of understanding. I love my friends. But they can't always be there for me. They have lives to lead. But this last year I've had so many harsh emotions brewing that I get really upset when I try to lean on friends and they're not there. With about 3 or 4 good friends I've found that I tend to overreact if they're not there for me my first thought is that I should just cut them out of my life and write them off for good. But thats crazy. I know its crazy even when Im feeling it inside. In general I guess I have a lot of subsurface feelings that I'm barely aware of. I tend to blow up for no good reason. The thing that I realize now though is that its like a sort of defense mechanism. I think deep down theres a part of me thats just incredibly defensive thinking that at any moment with anybody around me that they might just suddenly be dead and gone.
I'm trying to imagine how soldiers in war deal. I guess its never easy. Training to be a soldier in the US its now mandatory to undergo psych training to prevent suicide upon returning from a combat zone.
Lotta folks suggested therapy. I probably should have. Maybe when my life becomes more settled.