Hope and Fear

Last week was all about the fear.
First it was my usual worries about job and money, which I have neither of. I had worries galore and then the worries all went away as I saw the prospects of getting a job. There is an opening at my old school Art Center in Pasadena. Its not a teaching job, but just a staff position. Id be supervising the prop room looking after students who've enrolled in the Federal Work Study Program. Its a roll I am quite familiar with as I used to be in the program when I was as student. I'd be working for my good friend Wendy who was the supervisor when I was in the program as a student. So all around good prospects there. My fears dissolved and were soon replaced by another...
Shortly after getting home from the interview, another worry took over. We found a stray cat had taken residence under our house. There is a little crawl space and after some recent rain and cold weather, this cat had decided it was a good place to camp out. So after some coaxing and persuading we got the kitty to come out and we isolated him in the garage. This was no alley cat, this was clearly a well fed and groomed domestic kitty. Now my worries about job and money had been replaced by the cat. I have a huge softspot for cats and considered it my obligation to take care of this cat. The cat was starving hungry, but in pretty good shape. We put him in a carrier and spent the afternoon and evening going around the neighborhood trying to find if the cat lived locally. Eventually we found that the kitty had come from a house around the corner and down the street. The people who owned the cat were quite retarded and backwards. They had big dogs which lived inside the house, and a little kitty who lived outside the house. I only met a young boy who seemed to be home alone and not especially thrilled that the cat had been brought back. I told him that if I ever found his cat wandering the neighborhood with neither collar, nor nametag, that I'd come back in the middle of the night and kill him and his parents (like I said, I have a softspot for cats). My fears dissolved and were soon replaced by another...
I got an email from a friend. This was an economic forecast. It was pretty grim. Now I've heard whispers of rising oil prices leading to higher food prices and the effects it would all have on the recovering economy. Now the last time my friends warned me with economic forecasting, it was about 8 years ago, and they told me that the economy was about to crash and that I should invest every penny I had in gold. I wish I'd had more money to invest at the time, but what I had I put into gold. I doubled my money in about 5 years. That was good. The current forecast for the economy is not so good. Mostly its the problem with rising gas prices and the global reserve currency. The US dollar has been the consistent global reserve currency for decades, but lately as our economy has been failing, more and more international trading has been done using other currencies. This is very bad for our economic recovery and the more I look at it the more likely I think things are just gonna get worse. Rising prices of gas will lead to rising food prices which could even lead to food shortages and riots. Its a big complicated mess and Im no expert, but my intuition says that things are going to get a lot worse before they get better.
This week has been all about hope.
I spent the last 4 days helping my friend move and I always feel good when I have the opportunity to help a friend in need. I've been kicking back today and for the next few days I've got some freelance work. I get to go back and work for some people Ive worked for in the past. Its not a fun job, but it pays well. That gives me hope. I've not heard back from the folks at Art Center but Im hopeful about that as well.

More Odd Dreams

Well I guess there aren't a lot of normal dreams, but I had so many strange dreams last night I just felt like writing some of them down. The first was a trip to Burning Man but this time instead of being out in the Nevada desert, it was on a secretly built US spacestation. It was part of the classified government run space program, though it wasn't much of a secret after the burn. It was sorta like the deathstar except it was maybe a bit smaller, not quite finished, and the level we were on was completely open without walls. It was just a gigantic circular room with a high ceiling. There were a few areas where there were loading shafts without any guardrails and if you weren't careful, you could just walk into one of these shafts that dropped off for hundreds of stories. It wasn't a danger though because they had turned off the gravity in those areas. So of course people were having lots of fun floating about over these areas. At a certain point I had a long hose I'd found and tied about myself and I wanted to float outside the station where there was no gravity, but air for some reason. I was using the hose as a lifeline, and had the other end tied to the station. Im not sure why the government run space program had volunteered their secret station for burning man or why the burners all trusted the man, but it was a lot of fun. When I got back to Earth somehow I got into a conversation with some people about government secrets and they didnt think that there were any big ones and I stood up and said "Oh really? Well I've got a whopper to tell you about!..."
The next memorable part of my dreaming was when I got a job on Attack of the Show. I don't know what I was doing there or why but I was just amazed at how little the folks at that office got done. We all went out to lunch and Sara Jean Underwood went with us. We all set out on foot down the street to some place they all liked. I think it was Melrose or Wilshire, but it was all huge and sorta reminded me of Tokyo. We made several stops along the way at a bar, a comic book shop, and a video game place. I kept thinking we were taking way to long with lunch but they assured me that this was their normal routine. By the time we got to the restaurant we'd been gone for about 3 hours. The place felt like a cabin or lodge and was out in a sorta hilly backwoods area. I ran into some old friends there and we all sat down for some mean BBQ.
I think the family dog woke me up after tha

Dreams

Ive had some odd dream experiences lately.
Yesterday I awoke from a rather odd dream which featured my friend Vach complaining about his runflat tires on his minicooper. He has this rather fancy little car with fancy little tires on it that are supposed to run even when flat. I dunno how it works but a few months ago one of them went flat. The tires are soo fancy that he has to go downtown to the dealership to get it taken care of. It costs hundreds of dollars to replace one of these special tires. He had it done and it the new one is also flat. I guess its a problem with the car. Anyhow, its been a problem for a few months that his special runflat tire has been the most flat tire he's ever had. So I had a dream where he was complaining about the tire. I thought that it was odd that my dream focused on someone else that way, so I mentioned it to him. He said he also had a dream about his tire and lots of him complaining about it. Was it the same dream? Was it a coincidence? Ive had shared dreams in the past with a girl that I was really close to.

I had another strange dream last night about money and financial problems. Ive been out of work for almost 2 years and my unemployment has totally dried up. Its been a constant concern. Ive considered going off into the forrest and living as a wildman. But I dont think thats the best thing for me right now. Anyhow, in this dream I had made the choice to go into a type of suspended animation /frozen in carbonite kinda thing. I intended to stay there untill the economy got better. I was in a room with a bunch of strangers who had made a similar choice and we were all getting ready to go under. They gave us these pills and it was kinda psychadelic and there were a ton of hoops to jump through, forms to fill out etc beforehand. I kept having these visions of money with fairly evil satanic designs on it and somehow I realized that I was in some degree of control over my vision of reality. I kept telling myself to manifest something nice. Eventually I started to have second thoughts about skipping out on the next decade. I got a phone call from a wise old man (somehow I knew that he was someone who had died a long time ago and he was calling me from heaven or wherever) Now if that wasn't odd enough I knew that all the world was a stage and that we were all actors in a grand old story, and that the guy whod been cast to play the wise old mentor was in fact Donald Sutherland. I knew this but carried on in my role as Chris Chanaud. I talked to the guy and took his sage advice. At a certain point I went out of the clinic I was in and there was a sort of waiting room and I saw the guy and spoke to him face to face. I went back in the clinic to fill out some more forms. I got another call from him and as our conversation puttered out I finished by saying something like this... " You know instead of being a sage, you coulda gone into broadcasting...Yeah you got a great voice. You sound just like Donald Sutherland" and then I hung up.

Psychic Intuition and Food

Ive often thought that psychic intuition was something very unreliable and irregular. Far too often we mistake wishful thinking, paranoia, imagination, and self delusion for psychic vision. I've seen people devote their lives to meditation and various rituals trying to further themselves up what they consider to be the ladder of enlightenment. But it never seems to help them in life. Though lately I do occasionally see it working for me. Ive never tried to do it but I find when I get intuition with cooking it helps. I cook a lot. Sometimes when Im putting in something I get a feeling that its maybe too much of one thing or another. I always fuck it up if I dont pay attention. Sometimes, I get a sudden thought that when something is cooking that I need to go check it. I've saved quite a few dishes from burning that way. Maybe it is a useful thing. Maybe I should lend more credence to the notion of using ESP. Maybe I shouldn't have put all those raddishes in my coleslaw. I had a feeling about that when I was doing it.

Rut

I find myself in a rut lately. My mindset is pretty stable, yet I think its a fragile foundation. It takes very little to put me in a funk. I have recently mastered the art of notdoing. I have a long list of things I should/ought/need to do but I've completely ignored it. Without a daily routine or job its hard to self enforce discipline. I think a big part of the problem is not having a clear destination/goal. The economy is so fucked it seems impossible to set any long term plans. On the other hand, my health and fitness is good. I still go to the gym about 5 days a week. I eat better than I used to.
Thats all for now...

Those Crazy Mayans

So Im watching this special on the 2012 thing. They're talking about the Mayans and their ideas. Now I've heard all kinds of theories about 2012 and armageddon. But Im a bit surprised about some of these Mayan ideas. According to this show on National Geographic channel, the Maya used to think that people were made of different stuff during the different ages of mankind outlined by their calender. According to the Mayans people were made of mud during the 2nd age of mankind. And I think it was the 3rd age that featured humans made of masa flour (corn). Wow! And I thought silicon based life was a stretch! They were also really into sacrifices. They seemed to really enjoy cutting people open and pulling out the heart in front of an audience. This was considered publicly acceptable. I guess morality is just a fashionable thing. I wonder if human sacrifice will ever be publicly ok again. Perhaps it will be some new reality TV show in a few hundred years.

Endorphins

I dunno why Im writing a journal today. I've got nothing to say really. I think I wanted to make the last one go away because it was so negative. Anyhow Im not really feeling any better or more fufilled in life, but I did get a good workout last night. At least it was good in the sense of producing endorphins. I always feel pretty good after a proper workout. I gotta remember that one. I'd go again tonight but I have neither money for the gas nor useable muscles. Im sorta maxed out on muscle groups I can work and everything above the ribcage hurts. Though we could do a leg workout or core, but I do wanna go run down at the beach tomorrow.
I still need a job. I still need to figure out what to do with my life. Though its not so much figuring out as finding the best path. Living at home with my mother and brothers without any income is not it.